Sounds like you're on the right track by limiting how many "extra" bones will be used at once via sharing slots.

In terms of guidelines for specifics, I would start by minimizing the bone count in the base level skeleton that everything uses (legs, feet, spine, arms, hands, neck, head); Then count the bones in the base skeleton. Obviously, subtract that from 75 and you have your "extremity budget". Divide that number by the total number of concurrently equipable "extremities" and that gives you a rough guide of your UPPER limit.
By my estimate, assuming "mitten" style hands with only a thumb and a finger per hand, you need about 46 bones to make a basic biped character. That leaves you with 29 bones to play with. Lets say we want to have hair, a tail, and wings all visible at the same time. I might apportion the bones like this:
Hair: 4
wings: 12
tail: 6
Totalling 22 bones, leaving a few to spare. Then, if capes and wings are in the same slot, you could use up to 19 bones for capes (though that would be major overkill). You just need to design the system such that it is impossible to equip parts such that it pushes the character over the bone limit, as you already seem to be doing
